Tag: Mindfulness

Overcoming and Healing from Betrayal

 

A Blog Post by Judy Thompson, Director Mind-Body Services:

Betrayal in one’s life often shows up like an uninvited enemy. It is unwelcome, often shocking, full of hurt, judgment and shame and faced with this challenge, it can feel like an end, a demise. No matter who the betrayer is, the feelings of hurt and pain linger with little submission, but when the betrayer is someone with whom we have entrusted our hearts, the pain and suffering feels that much more intense and activating.  In Macbeth, Shakespeare wrote, “The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.”  And so true are Shakespeare’s words still today, for it is those with whom we entrust ourselves and our vulnerabilities that the pain of the action, the betrayal, feels that much more deep and incomprehensible.

 

What may begin to arise within this activation is questions like, “How did I not notice?” “Why did this happen to me?” “How could they do this to me?” “How could I not have seen the writing on the wall?” “Why did I let this happen?” “How could they hurt me like this?” We begin to judge not only ourselves and our intentions, but also our intelligence, our trust instinct and our overall intuition.

Although betrayal is most often connected with infidelity, it can be realized and experienced through many other sufferings: disloyalty in work relationships, lies from colleagues or coworkers who you thought were your “friends,” abandonment from parents to children, even the spreading of gossip or lies by friends or family, verbally or otherwise.

As the brain tries to make sense out of the pain and understand the trauma, we are left in a place of lingering, a place of sadness, lost hope and sorrow. Our mind continues to try to work through and understand the abandonment and pain; it is trying to protect us and learn how to prevent the pain from happening again. It is vigilant, consistent, persistent and judicious.

Being able to apply skills of mindfulness, while still experiencing the pain and suffering of the betrayal, is one of the first steps towards healing.

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Mindfulness of Breath – a 6 minute audio download

A Blog Post by Judy Thompson, Director Mind-Body Services:

footprints-on-beach

 

An invitation to yourself to return to mindfulness:

Dear Beloved Self:

I know we sometimes have our difficulties with each other. From the moment I awaken, from a usually not so restful sleep, I try to prepare for the day ahead, either work, school, family or in the rare moment, a day for self. Responsibilities, errands, family issues, worries, fears and life, creep back into my mind. I forget to take time for myself and I dive, instantly, back into the structures, ideas, and identities that mask me.

Today, I will offer myself a moment of remembrance, a moment to return to myself, to return to my sense of grounding and calmness that is inherently within me, maybe deep within me, but there nonetheless.

Today, I return to mindfulness, being aware of the present moment and not losing myself in past fears or future worries.

Today, I practice mindfulness of breath. I can do this practice wherever I am, I only need my willingness to participate, and I only need 6 minutes.

Thank you for guiding me back to myself,

Signed (My True Nature)

Download audio file

 

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Mindful Wounds–a verbal wound is as painful as a physical wound

A Blog Post by Judy Thompson, Director Mind-Body Services:

I read a touching commentary in my paper about the passing and reflection of Muhammad Ali. The commentary was submitted by a man, who in his youth, had the unique experience of spending a weekend at a training camp with his boy scout troop and Muhammad Ali. The writer shared his experience in hearing some of the lovely poetry and wisdom words of Muhammad Ali, and one of these recollections, actually a metaphoric story, inspired this post.

The story is called, “The Fence,” perhaps you have heard it before, but if not, I hope it leaves an impression.

There once was a little boy who had a bad temper. His Father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, he must hammer a nail into the back of the fence.

The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence. Over the next few weeks, as he learned to control his anger, the number of nails hammered daily gradually dwindled down.

He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence.

Finally the day came when the boy didn’t lose his temper at all. He told his father about it; and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper.

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“Love is to be renewed everyday”

The couples that comes to sit and meditate out loud, (couples therapy), with me have many things in common.  As with all  they approach therapy seeking to understand, as Thich Nhat Hanh has illuminated, “Misunderstanding is the source of all suffering”.  If we do not understand the person we are trying to love then in trying to love them our way we may in fact be hurting them.  So couples come into session to be still with each other and to understand HOW to love their beloved properly.  It is through understanding the others needs and hopes and heartfelt desires that we love well.  Pain and heartache is the clue that we are not loving or being loved well; we are misunderstanding something.

Renewing love softens the heart
Renewing love daily softens the heart
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